I feel as though I should define why I call step-mommyhood. The Other-Mother situation. For those of you with children, if you have ever seen the movie Coraline then you see where I get this reference from. Now do not get me wrong, I do not want to eat her or lock her parents in a dark room somewhere or anything crazy. I actually love Chloe, she is a bright, beautful, funny little girl that I do and will continue to treat as my own.
I use this reference in only that being a step-mom, or her other-mother is a sometimes confusing, hard place to be. You see yourself as living in a unique situation, and you aren't entirely sure where you stand. Where the evil mom on Coraline tricked her and conned her with her wildest dreams, I love her and only tell her I will support whatever her dreams may be.
The question I find myself asking more often than not is how to be both. How may I be her good other-mother without crossing through the little door over into her mother's territory. I have to say it's not very easy.
Anyway! Jon and I currently live in a two bedroom apartment. It's a decent size, very nice little chalet by the river. It suits our purposes for now and has up til this point. However, we are looking for new apartments and possibly a house. Wooh houses!!
Well after Carter was born, and with all his stuff now the bedroom him and Chloe share suddenly didn't feel big enough to me. So last Saturday we moved some of her things into the alcove in the livingroom we had already decided was going to be a play-area and switched their room around. We did this because I felt as though Carter didn't really get to have a nursery, and I didn't really get to give him one. Also, I really feel like this was a great idea because it's not really fair to her to have to come out of the room every time Carter takes a nap in there, so now she can just play out here and neither child is disturbed.
Well this sparked a conversation between me and Jon. What is fair really? Jon had the very good argument that now Chloe only had the two walls in the room-the smaller half that Carter had before- AND all her stuff was in a different place. Not to mention Carter has a dresser but all his things also take up half the closet. She recently told us, that this wasn't REALLY her home anyway and that's why she got so homesick. We have been since trying to help her understand we love her too and we want her to feel like this is her home too.
My argument was, however, that Chloe does have her own bed and her own toys, she even has a special place outside her room that is just her own. So each of them get the chance to be a little girl and a baby boy. Chloe has her own room at her own house and Carter doesn't. Plus she is only with us fifty percent of the time, so we can't be unfair to Carter either.
This transcends past our current home as well, we both wonder who should get the bigger room in the new apt/house? Carter who is always there or Chloe who needs to feel like this is her home too?
What a dilemma?!